Introduction: Writing Redux; life on the inside

A lot of people have been telling me I need to start writing again. Which is tremendously, very, super humbling. I'm super complimented, but not very interested?

But, having thought about it, maybe not a lot of people have been asking me to write again. Maybe it was like, one person. And that one person was like "dude you should totally write again". And maybe this person was on TV or something. Or from Niagara Falls.

I used to write. I used to write things that wasted people's time, and it was an awesome feeling knowing I made people less intelligent and less informed. But then I ran out of content. All my jokes were recycled, and there just wasn't enough craziness in my life to refill that sack of benign insanity.

Hello March 2020.... After a week of being sheltered inside with my wife, child 1, child 2 and our evil dog (Mini Labradoodle - he hates containment; there are no strangers to lick), my brain has been emulsed in a fresh wave of words, syllables and situations that beg for outside interpretation. My brain is being whip-slapped every day with a fresh new set of comedic topics that need to be reviewed, opined on and belittled.

So I am back, dear readers, (full disclosure: I have approx 0-1 readers). I am back to fill your inboxes with the kind of mindless prose that only the insane would respect. And the good news is, I'll get you through this perplexing time. How? Not with "knowledge" or "updates" or "goodness". Or even "common sense". Don't come here expecting to see feel-good videos of cats knitting N95 masks. Nope. I'll come at you with a very different style of hot sauce --- this is a blog about crushing the concept of sheltering. And by that I mean writing a blog that only makes vague sense, barely holds together, and ties loosely to the English language. And most importantly confuses the reader to the point they forget they've been inside longer than their last 5 vacations combined.

First order of business for me, personally? I never thought you'd ask. It's a holistic, high level goal that makes society better. Job 1 - to get my wife to cry when she no longer gets to see me for 22 hours a day. I want her entire life to be in ruin when I leave this house. And you, dear reader, can piggy back on my relationship mastery. You get to ride shot gun for what will be some of the best drive-by marriage awesomeness ever witnessed in western society.

But how am I going to do it?

Settle down, Night Ranger, I'm working on it. Remember, it took Picasso 2 weeks to paint the Da Vinci Code. So I probably need 4 weeks to figure out a plan to make my wife beam. But trust me, I know together we'll make her the happiest lady on this beautiful, big blue planet commonly known as Earth.

It's almost too easy...I'll be back with detailed plans on up-leveling marriage under house arrest, and additional goals for the not-so-faint-of-hearted... Together, we'll be finger painting a giant, life-sized blue print to get through this mess. And that blue print will be covered in awesomeness. And probably some whiskey. And rainbow sparkles.

Thank you, dear reader, I couldn't be happier to waste your time.

/CheechIQ